29 September 2019

life has a way of grabbing you when you least expect it.

Rainy days I would love to stay home but I have to... - #Days #Home #love #rain #rainy #stay

I posted the blog about moving on, letting my friends and reader know I was dealing with the grief of losing my husband, and handling pretty well, I thought.  Never announce your plans or you will hear the gods laugh?  Well, barely two days after that I went to dentist for routine check up.  I missed last year because with nursing my husband during his cancer, cleaning teeth little mattered.

They were going to do whole head x ray, just to update changes.  I could tell when they didn't move on to cleaning, something was wrong.  My regular dentist was off for the day, so I was going to see her new associated.  They kept looking at me with sad worried eyes and saying the dentist would be there to see me in just a few minutes.  Well, my regular dentist came rushing in, still in her gym clothes.  They called her in to break to the news to me.  I have a 8 centimeters lesion inside the front of my jaw.  If I bit down wrong, I would shatter my jawbone.  She personally drove me to the University hospital and stayed with me for 5 hours, why they got all doctors on board and ran the tests.   The doctors kept looking at me and her, like how did I rate my personal dentist holding my hand through all this?  She is just that kind of true lady. (a shout to to Dr. Winnie Boling--you won't find one better!)   I finally sent her home at 5pm to feed the kids and make sure they were fine with the babysitter.  Now how is that for a caring dentist?  She came back and picked me up at 9pm, when all the tests were done.

They will do a biopsy on the lesion Monday.  Two week wait as we wait for results to get back.  Then, I will need the lesion removed, and the jaw rebuilt, as the lesion has destroyed most of my jaw, and about 7 roots of my teeth.  So cut it out, rebuilt my jaw with metal plate and then finally facial reconstruction.  Eazy peazy, eh?

Wish me luck....

24 September 2019

thoughts and reflections on life and moving on

I haven't been posting too much on the blog since my husband died in March.

This Saturday is the big 6 months bugbear. Still hard to believe he is gone six months. The world seems a little bit paler without his presence to fill it.
Part of me, keeps thinking he is just away and will come in and knock on the door frame to alert me he is there. He always walked as soft as a cat, so at times he scared the bejesus out of me because I didn't know I wasn't alone. He knew I would often be wrapped up in writing, so he would alert me of his presence. I just keep anticipating that knock. I recall when he was trying to prepare me for things I would need to know--and I was not listening. I didn't want to calmly go over things I would handle went he would be absent. He kept pressing, and I broke down crying...and laughing...saying it wouldn't matter because I wouldn't last six months without him. Not being dramatic in saying that, but I figured everything would be just too much for me. Knock wood, I am going to breeze past that goal. Not easy --we all know. But I am moving ahead, discovering the limits and boundaries of my new life. It's not a life I envisioned. Being the widow was not one of the hats I anticipated wearing. But life often isn't as you wish it would be. Rather, we must find the moments that tells you life is worth living. Today I had my hair trimmed--last time was just before he grew ill. And I got to go for a walk on the square, first time since they called and said he needed to get into the Cancer treatment asap. Did a half mile; not a bad start. And I paused to enjoy the first day of Autumn. So, in keeping with getting my feet under me, I am going to the dentist Thursday to deal with the teeth I cracked when I fell after he died. I made eye appointment. Go in for yearly blood work the following week, and after that the yearly health check with Dr. Abby. And, fun fun, got a new laptop to get back to writing. I worry too much, but then I always did. But I am surviving. Six months and counting...

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